Four twelve-year-old boys take the last open table in a small sandwich shop in South Philly. I’m leaning against a wall, wearing sunglasses and a blue shirt that reads “Race to Wrigley 5K.” Five more twelve-year-old boys enter.
Kid 1: Did you run here from Wrigley?
Kid 1: Whoa. Guys, she ran here from Wrigley Park.
Kid 2: In New York?
Me: In Chicago.
Kid 3 and 4: Whoa.
Kid 5: Really?
Kid 6: I know someone who biked here from Harrisburg.
Kid 7: That’s not as far as the state of Chicago, idiot.
Kid 8: Chicago’s not a state, idiot. It’s Illinoise.
Everyone in the sandwich shop turns to look at me. Could it be true? (No. Of course not. Idiot.)
Kid 1: How long it take?
Me: Long time.
Kid 9: How long it take?
Kid 2: Like two or three?
Me: What do you think?
Kid 3: Five?
Kid 3, 4 and 5: Wow! Five years!
End scene. Audience applauds politely while frowning over the current state of education in America.